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Thursday, June 23, 2016

from 1 to 2: anticipation, worry, excitement: we're having another!

I remember what it was like expecting my second baby not too long ago. I was overjoyed excited, we planned it and were super happy to add a sibling to our little boy's life. But I was also worried at how this would change things for my sweet boy and me and my husband as a little family of three. I worried he'd hate the baby. I wondered how we'd do everything we did with #1, when another was around.

I know I'm not alone. SO many moms are having their second babies these days and writing in the Mommy Stories Facebook group about it, so I thought I'd revisit this topic and post more on the blog this summer for ideas, suggestions and tips so you know you aren't alone.

This new series "From 1 to 2" will hopefully help ease your fears if you are starting out toward the journey of having your second one. But also I'm all about honesty, so we'll tell it to you straight also, which honestly I find helpful in the end to prepare you for this change.


When I asked the Facebook group mommas what moms feel when adding a second child to the mix, they shared the following:
  • excited! can't wait to do this again
  • guilty for the first kid, having to share, will I love them the same?
  • worried- about finances, how will have time with first kid and partner etc 
  • worried I was ruining #1's life and wondering how he'd do sharing me
  • will I have energy to care for two kids?
  • wondering if we should have waited longer to have a second?
  • how to divide my attention 
  • how will I have time to spend quality time with first
  • will I ever get enough sleep?
  • will I keep my sanity? how?
  • where do we put another? space?
  • daycare costs are a concern
When I was pregnant with my second, I wondered about a lot more than even having the first one. Part of it was EASIER. You know a lot more the second time around. Part of it was scary as you don't know what it's like to have TWO of them!

When I asked moms what they *thought* it would be like, they shared these ideas:

  • I thought it would be like twice the work... but it's like 10 times the work as having one kid!
  • It's so much harder than I could have imagined.
  • I wasn't ready for the guilt. I always feel I'm split between kids.
  • More laundry and less time for housework. I can't get it all done.
  • "I think one thing people don't tell you is to be gentle to yourself; you're going to feel overwhelmed at first and that's ok! It is taking me longer than I anticipated to find ny groove with two, but I'm starting to accept that."

One mom shared, "I couldn't fathom how I could possibly love another human being as much as I did my first. This scared the crap out of me. I swear now that when you birth a child, you birth the love you need, too. I was also afraid my relationship with my first would change and we wouldn't be as close. I think that kind of happened as my second child came out demanding my attention. "

Moms used these words to describe having two children:
  • Busy, fighting, exhausting, amazing, love
  • Crazy, loving, memorable, magical, frightening
  • Chaotic, exhausting, phenomenal, tenderness, precious
  • Exhausting. Overwhelming. Wonderful. Temporary. Love.
  • Beautiful, chaos, challenging, adjustment, love
  • Overwhelming, unbalanced, full, roller-coaster, happiness
  • Hilarious, never quiet, adventure, energetic, fulfilling
  • Busy, sweet, overwhelming, intense, full. 
  • Easy, fun, love, wonderful, balanced
  • Craziness, precious, interesting, exhausting, amazing 
  • Twice the smiles, laughs, & love
  • Husbands make two kids, three.
  • More work but more love
  • BOYS, STOP "Kung-fooing" EACH OTHER!
When I had my second, I called it a beautiful chaos. That was my phrase for two kids. It was amazing seeing the bond between my children happen pretty quickly and develop in different ways over the next few months and years. But it was chaos for quite some time... a type of chaos I was not used to with one child and that slightly doesn't go away... but gets easier to manage and better to handle. 

You learn to get used to the changes, you roll with the punches and find patience with yourself and your kids. I SWEAR it gets easier! 

I found that after my first child it took us 6 weeks to 12 weeks to feel slightly normal. With my second child, it took double that - 12 weeks to 6 months to feel normal again and into a great routine. You get there though, you DO, just take your time. 

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