OK this one made me tear up to read....
My sweet, loving, dedicated momma friend Hyemi Draheim has shared her story of trying to conceive both of her beautiful babies. It was a very, very long road for her of years of disappointment. And now, every single time I see her children and her smiling, proud momma face, I know she was meant to go through all of this for these two reasons right here: Noah and Harper.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Hyemi, and for telling other moms they are NOT at fault for their infertility concerns. Your faith and hope are inspiring to other moms.
Images shared from Hyemi Draheim
1. How long did you try to get pregnant? Matt and I tried to get pregnant for 2 years before we decided to look into getting some help. 2. How long into the process did you realize something wasn't working? How did you feel at that point? It just hit me all of sudden one day when I had realized I hadn't gotten my period for a while. I used to track them on the calendar so when I looked back and saw I hadn't had my period in over 9 months, I decided to go see my doctor. 3. How would you describe your feelings every month when you realized you were not getting pregnant? Emotional; sad and impatient.
As each month passed, I wanted it more and more. It really became an obsession. It's all I thought about! 4. What helped you in this situation? What were things people said or did for you to help you feel better? The only people I really talked to about it was my husband and my mom. At that time, I didn't know anyone going through infertility and I wasn't a part of the Mommy Stories yet. Like miscarriage, it wasn't a subject people talked about. Somedays, I really felt alone. My husband and mom were a great support system, but they could only say so much. They didn't know exactly what I was going through, so Google became my BFF. Which everyone knows can be a good or bad thing, but honestly, I learned a lot. 5. What were some challenges, things that made it worse perhaps or that you struggled through?
Seeing people around me getting pregnant was hard. Of course I was incredibly happy for my friends, but I was envious. I wanted to be pregnant too and feel that same joy.
Some people used to tell me, "well, it's not your time yet", "maybe your body isn't meant to make babies", "adoption is always an option", "it will happen". Yes, I know adoption is an option and yes, I know some women can't have their own babies, but that's not what I wanted to hear! 6. What is your advice to a woman who is desperately trying to get pregnant? Don't get frustrated, get educated. Join a support group. Talk to your doctor to see what options you have. Be open. Talk to people who have been there or going through it and most importantly, have faith.
7. What is your advice to a mother who has a friend who is not getting pregnant? How can she be there for her friend? Be a shoulder to cry on, an ear that will listen and be someone who won't judge her for the things she will say or may do in a moment. Send her a card with encouraging words; maybe even a little care package with a few of her favorite things to brighten her day. 8. What do you think women don't understand about fertility concerns? One of the things I think some women don't understand is that, it's more common than they think and it's nothing to be ashamed of! I know when I was going through it, I was really feeling bad about myself and guilty. I kept thinking, " the one gift I'm supposed to be able to give to my husband; a baby, I can't give him". I was really mad at my body. When I went to Boston IVF in South Portland, the doctor reassured me it wasn't my fault, we would figure it out together and everything will be ok. 9. What were some feelings you had about yourself, your body, your future as a mother while you were going through this experience? After my miscarriage, I went through a little bit of a dark time. When I got the call to confirm my pregnancy, I was beyond happy! Then when I got the call no woman wants to hear, I was numb. Almost emotionless except for the fact all I could do was cry. Just thinking about going through treatments, the shot, ultrasound after ultrasound, etc I kept getting even more sad, but even more guilty. Like I mentioned above, I kept thinking, " the one gift I'm supposed to be able to give to my husband; a baby, I can't give him".
I was really mad at my body. I didn't understand why, my body was so messed up. 10. What has this experience taught you about life, about being a mom? This experience has taught me to not sweat the small stuff and patience. I've always thought myself to be pretty easy going and patient anyway, but now that I'm a mom, I make more of a conscious effort. As a mom we have our days where everything frustrates us, but I have to remind myself, if I didn't have my precious babes, my life wouldn't be the same. It would be empty and I would feel like had no purpose. So, if they spill something or make a mess, SO WHAT! I'm happy to clean it up! It has also taught me to make each memory count. Take pictures, write things down, and most importantly, hug them, kiss them and tell them how much you love them every day. They may not remember somewhere you took them, but they will remember how much you love and encourage them.
11. Any good Web sites, books, resources you found helpful? I didn't really find any books or websites that were helpful. A lot of them I feel like was very generic. I remember my husband telling me I should start a blog where women could speak to real women who have been through the same things and could feel safe. Just like the Mommy Stories. I wish I had listened to him! 12. Anything else you want to share about your experience? Have faith. Even during the darkest of days and you can't see the light at the end, just remember everything happens for a reason and when it's supposed to happen. Boy, when it does, it’s the most amazing feeling. Life will never be the same. "Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase."