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Monday, July 6, 2015

strength & courage - a miscarriage story - Heather Martin

Heather Martin is such a strong mother, having gone through two miscarriages, within a few months of each other, trying for her second baby. A painful experience, yet one she has learned from - trying to stay present for her first daughter and being grateful for her, while encouraging others to speak up about their miscarriage experiences. She is still holding out hope that someday she will get her second baby. I admire her faith and determination, as well as her honesty.

Thank you, Heather. I appreciate you trying to help even just one mom out there by sharing your story.

Images shared from Heather Martin

If I can help at least one other mom, or even my self, I have made a difference.
1. When did you experience a miscarriage? 
My first was in Nov 2014, and then again in Feb 2015
How far along were you? 
Nov I went in for my 8 week us, and they couldnt find anything, and in Feb, I just started to bleed at work, and didn't know I was pregnant, I thought it was I was dealing with Nov still.
2. What do you remember physically about the process? 
For me it was the fear of the DNC and the fear of something happening to myself and not being there for my daughter.
What was the most difficult part physically? 
Physically nothing, I wasnt in much pain in Nov, and all the bleeding in Feb just felt like was going to pass out a lot. Other then that I was fine.
3. What do you remember emotionally about this process? 
For my first in Nov, I knew from the start that something wash't right. I didnt feel like I did when I was pregnant with Taylor, (My daughter was born Aug, 6, 2013). I was worried, and trying not to stress out. But when I went in for the ultrasound and the tech said that she didnt know what she should be looking for, and there was no sign of anything.

For Feb, I was scared at first. I was in one of the director's offices talking to her about something, and felt something, so I went to the bathroom, and my pad that I had on was full, asked her to go to my classroom and get me another one, and she did. I called the dr, who wanted to see me, so off to the drs, at that point the pad was full again, so they ran and got me a diaper to put on. We started to head to the the dr office and I called them back and said I was going right to the ER. 2 girls I worked with brought me to the ER and we right into the back, the nurse helped me change out of my bloody clothing, and put on a adult diaper. About an hour or so later the dr came in, and lucky my husband was there at this point and told me that I was pregnant and this was a miscarriage.  And that they would be calling my doctors about this.
What was most difficult emotionally to consider? 
It was happening again, or even in the first place.
4. What feeling words would you use to describe this experience? 
5. What were some of the thoughts you had in your mind that maybe at the time didn't make a whole lot of sense, but still you were thinking them all the same? 
Why me, why us, what was wrong with me, am I too old?
6. What medically happened for you? Did you have any procedures? What helped you through this process medically - medicines, baths, sleep, etc.? 
Both times I had an DNC, for Nov I wanted it to be done and over with, and Feb my doctor was worried that I was going to bleed out, and wanted to make sure everything was out so I didn't.
7. What helped you emotionally through this process? 
Having my hubby there, and a friend texting me.
Do you remember things someone said to you that helped you feel better? 
I had one friend who lost her daughter 3 hours after birth, so she told me that she could understand my feelings and of failure, and that I could feel the way I do.
8. What are some of the worst things you heard from people about this time? 
Be grateful that you have Taylor, Taylor is a blessing, next time you will carry full term, it wasn't in the plans.

9. What is your advice to a mom who has gone through a miscarriage?  
You're not alone, there are a lot of us who have been there.
What do you hope they remember?  
They are not alone and that they can reach out to someone to share their story.
10. What is your advice to a friend of a mom who has gone through a miscarriage? 
Don't give up, just remember you are not alone.
What do you want to encourage them to do or not do to be supportive?  
Talk about it. I feel like this topic has such a bad thing to it, for many of us, it wasnt something we did, and it does happen a lot and multiple times to some people.
11. Why do you think moms don't talk about miscarriages? 
For me I felt like I failed, I failed my hubby, I failed my family, I failed my daughter, I failed even that baby. And it's not like when you see people you havent seen in a while and they say how have you been, you don't say good, just had a miscarriage, I am dealing with a lot with it, but other than that I am okay. It's something that people don't talk about it, or don't know how to do talk about.
Why do you think they SHOULD talk about their experience? 
To help heal, to help others, to give a voice to those who cant express it.  
12. Do you do anything to honor the baby you lost, the due date, or another part of this experience? 
No, my due date for my Nov one is July 1, but I am trying to not think about it, and trying to heal from it.  
13. How has this experience made you a stronger mother? 
I am there in the moment for my daughter.  

14. Is there a happy ending to your story?  
Not yet, I just went on the pill to try to get a normal cycle for a few months then we can start trying without trying.
15. Anything else you want to share?  
That we all feel alone and you are not, there are a lot of us that are willing to talk, email, text just check in.

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