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Sunday, April 13, 2014

book - Boys Should Be Boys

Boys Should Be Boys - 7 Habits to Raising Healthy Sons 
by Meg Meeker, M.D. 

This was an awesome book about raising boys, how unique they are and different from girls. I loved it! 

Here is what I learned from the book:



BOYS WILL BE BOYS
  •  "Boys need forts to play in and asphalt for street hockey games with their buddies. It's in those places that they learn confidence and decision making. It's playing in forts and in pickup, sandlot football games that boys find a healthy venue for growing into men." (page 39)

  • Boys learn and grow more when not in organized sports or activities, but rather outside with peers.
  • They need space, parents shouldn't micromanage. Let boys explore! It's how they learn!
  • "Boys need to press their strength, to test their power, and even to assert it." (page 45) She said that we fear boys' strength, that someone could get hurt... but when they are pushing in the hallways or rough housing, it's natural.
  • Boys are constantly testing their abilities, what they are good at, what they can handle, how they can manage something, etc. Sometimes what they do and create is not what it appears... so go slowly and be careful with what you say to boys. (page 88)
  • "The red paint all over the garage floor is a carpet in his own private fort. It isn't in your garage, it is in his play space because now he imagines he owns that space" (page 88)

  • Boys playing war is normal, natural, something that should not be discouraged. It's their way of realizing good and bad, evil and heroes. It's their way of finding moral codes and working through things. (page 89)
  • "Boys need to feel challenged, they need to compete, and playing at war for them is like playing football, though with more imagination involved." (page 89)
  • Most boys are close to their moms in a sense that they don't hold back having tantrums or crying in front of them. (page 91) 
  • "Competition for a boy is more about building his identity and self-perception than it is about beating others." (page 96)
  • Give your son space to be bored and figure things out. Boys like to think. (page 205)
  • Teaching boys self-control is important. 
  • "...before he's a teen you need to teach your son that when he uses his energy in a bad way - by acting inappropriately, aggressive, by hurting others - he will run into a stronger force: you. If he is out of control, catch him and turn him around quickly. Discipline him - consistently, fairly, and lovingly." (page 214) 
  • "Active, energetic, rambunctious boys are not bad boys and should not be made to feel so. Boys are naturally active. They have energy to burn. That's why the need avenues where they can be active, burn up that energy, and test their strength. Boys need exercise. It is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Video games do not provide exercise. And neither do television or computers. All boys need to romp and learn that even in rambunctious play, there are rules and order. Through sports and exercise, they learn to control their muscles, control their bodies, and even control their emotions and their minds. As a boy grows older, he can transfer these skills he learns into other areas of his life. He can never learn to control his energy if he is not allowed to experience the fullness of its power." (page 214)
  • Teaching boys about emotions is important. Teach him what emotions are and how to deal with them. 
  • "Every boy wants someone he loves and admires to look at him for more than a few moments out of every day. Because when he realizes he is seen, he pays attention to what he is doing. He understands ... that he is very important." (page 246)
  • Boys look up to their fathers the most, they are their heroes. 

TEENAGE BOYS:
  • "Your teenage son needs you more now than he did when he was six. He just doesn't want you to know it." (page 15)
  •  Teenage boys feel in control and like they can make an impact on things and people. (page 46)
  • Strictly limiting and observing your son's electronic usage or Internet activities, etc. is the best thing you can do.
  • Give your children a sound moral compass. Share your beliefs when he is young. Let him test those out when he grows as a teenager. It's OK. It's about him, not you. (page 172)
  • "The biggest mistake we can make with adolescent boys is forgetting that they all need help moving out of adolescence." (page 181)



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