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Saturday, September 15, 2012

Big Boy Bed

Dear 2 years and 7 months old Owen,

You are sleeping in your Big Boy Bed for the first time tonight. 

Your adorably tiny and sweet white toddler bed that has a crib-size mattress in it, with brand new trucks-tractors-boats-trains sheets on it, and your new teeny-tiny Cars pillow that we randomly found at Wal-Mart, even though Cars is not your favorite right now, Thomas the Train is and John Deere tractors, but we couldn't find a pillow of those characters. You are in your new room with the gate on the door and the childproof latches in the clothes drawers because I told your dad I was nervous about my vision of going up to get you after nap time and seeing your nicely folded clothes all over the place.

You are in this brand new room Dad painted and worked on for you while I was pregnant with your sister. You are in the new Big Boy Room, that we kept telling you would be such a cool place to sleep some time "when you're ready," in preparation for becoming a big brother and your new sister needing your crib soon.

I think when we said, "when you're ready" we meant when Mommy was ready for you to move from baby crib to big boy toddler bed. You've never tried getting out of your crib, so I figured why fix what isn't broken? Leave you in the crib as long as your little sister didn't need it yet. Well, then your little sister grew really fast and is tall like you and Daddy are, and her legs and arms started hitting the sides of her itty bitty bassinet and waking her up in the night, causing Mom and Dad to be oh-so-grumpy in the mornings without sleep. So we knew it was time.

And like I said, you've been ready.

I stood outside your door tonight, holding your sister, trying to get her to sleep in my arms, while Dad layed down on the floor next to your new Big Boy Bed, explaining to you all the things in your new room that are the same as were in your old room - the night light, your CD player with the same music you've listened to every single night since you moved upstairs on your own when you were 4 months old, your Monkey stuffed animal and tractor blanket that you love, your white silkie blankie, and the video monitor that if you say you need us, we can hear you.I listened to your dad and was super impressed with him... but then I started crying.

How could you be in this new room, all on your own, not in a crib? Are you really ready for this? Am I?
In the last month you have learned so many new things -
-to ride a tricycle on your own
-to go on the potty
-to say "I love you, Mama" on your own
-to say "thank you" totally on your own at least a dozen times a day
-to say words I never even knew we'd taught you

And here you are. In your Big Boy Bed. And it's like you are so not a baby anymore.
And that makes me sad. Because as I watch your little sister grow up - 5 months old already! - I know this is so crazy fast. It's all fleeting. These wonderfully chaotic moments of your todderhood are slipping away from me.

Yet I don't want you to be a baby again. I LOVE that you are this big boy, Mr. Independent, the one telling me like it is and asking "Why?" all the time and trying to figure out this great big world around him. I love who you are and how fast you are growing. I just hope that there won't be a day where you won't let me hug and kiss you goodbye. I suppose I'm sad that the rocking chair that I've rocked you in every single night since you were an infant is not in your big boy room but rather in your sister's new baby crib room.

So I'm feeling bittersweet tonight. 
I'm so proud of you! So, so proud of my Growin' Owen. And I'm sad, too. Because I remember when I took a picture of you sleeping in your crib for the first time. And it feels like that was not that long ago. Yet now you're in your Big Boy Bed, all grown up or something.

Keep doing your thing, Owen. 
Don't worry about me. I'll learn to roll with it and have fun along this journey, despite that I secretly wish I could keep you little forever.

Love, your way too sentimental Mama

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