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Friday, June 15, 2012

TTC - the tough road to mommyville - Kim P.

A heartbreaking story by a beautiful woman desperate to become a mom... with a surprise ending! Thank you to Kim Parker for writing with such honesty and sharing her journey. 

(I had the privilege of photographing these two love birds' wedding a couple of years ago, so sweet!)

Trying to Conceive 
We have been trying to conceive for a year this month. Nick and I decided we were ready to be parents when we were financially stable. We realized there was something missing. We enjoyed our time together but wanted someone else to share these moments as well. 

The most difficult part in trying to get pregnant is watching it happen for everyone else and wondering why not you, but also the dreaded negative test every month. 

The troubled journey
We sought out a fertility doctor to help us figure out why this wasn't happening for us. The doctor diagnosed me with PCOS, Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, meaning my body produced too much testosterone and not enough estrogen and I wasn't able to start a period on my own without medication. 

The doctor decided to kick start my period by using progesterone tablets which worked in about ten days, to help me ovulate. I started out taking a medicine called Clomid. The first round I ovulated but my follicles were still too small to produce a healthy egg so we waited for a period which did come and started round two of Clomid. This time I did not ovulate and did not start a period on my own. The third round was also a bust. I was defeated after the third round and nothing was happening. The doctor decided to switch up the medications and put me on a breast cancer medication called Femara. This is my first round and so far so good! 

What is it like to have difficulty conceiving?
Throughout all the rounds I have had many ultrasounds to monitor my follicles and many blood tests to check ovulation. The feeling of not being able to get pregnant is a feeling of worthlessness as a woman, why is my body not doing what it was made to do? It's frustrating and emotional. You want something so bad, yet you cannot have it. 

I always tell people it is like having a part of your heart ripped out. 

What helps you through?
What has helped me through this has been the love and support from my husband and also the support from women out there going through the same thing. I have joined many TTC blogs with women just like me. It helps to know that I am not alone. 

Some advice...
The thing that I dislike hearing the most is "it will happen" and "don't stress about it." It's like telling someone who smokes that they can't buy cigarettes or someone who bites their nails to quit cold turkey. You think about this every day, every second, and it's not easy to not think about it. Also even though you tell me it will happen I have gone through a year of disappointment so it's hard to believe. 

If I had any advice to give it would be to join a support group with other women and also don't be afraid to cry once and a while. It doesn't make you weak! 

If someone you know is having trouble conceiving just let them know you are a shoulder and an ear for them. That's the best thing anyone can give. 

Hope for the future.
My hope is someday to have a healthy baby and to bring them into a loving home and family. I know in my heart I was meant to be a mom and that my time will come. My special bundle is just taking a little longer, but when it finally arrives it will bring so much joy to our little family! 


Kim and Nick are expecting their first baby bundle this winter! She found out she was pregnant a few days after writing this post! CONGRATS and can't wait to meet Baby Parker!

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