Monday, January 2, 2012
resolutions for all MOM-kind
10 Resolutions All Moms Should Make This Year
1. For the love of God, stop the guilt sessions! Stop feeling like you aren't a good enough mom. I have seen so many blog posts and talked to so many moms about how they don't feel they are a good mom. I never understand this. Despite my flaws, if someone asked me if I thought I was a good mom I'd instantly answer, "OF COURSE I AM A GOOD MOM!" I just know that I am. Do I do everything other moms do? Nope. Do I do everything perfectly? Nope. Are there things I wish I could improve in how I parent - like serve up more veggies at dinner time and take my child to more cool places if I had the money or not have to work certain days when I'd rather stay home with him? Sure, there are things I'd change. But at the end of the day I feel like the things I DO make me a great mom. I don't waste time feeling guilty that I can't do it all. What matters to my son are the little moments we spend together, like when I make sure I shut the radio off so we can talk for the 30 minutes on our drive home from the babysitter's after work, or when I try to take him to the playground a few days a week or when I let him help me stir the pasta when we're cooking at night. Guilt doesn't help anything. Let it go.
2. Stop comparing yourself to other moms. Oh this is a big one! You have different things going on in your life than other moms. It's just the truth. So stop pretending everything should be the same. If another mom takes her kid to play groups and music class but the thought of it makes you want to vomit, that's OK! You are still a good mom. If another mom takes pictures of her kid in every location they go to and you don't even own a camera, it's OK, your child will not hate you someday. If another mom's house is spotless but yours is a disaster most days, it's all right. If you chose to use formula instead of try nursing, own it! Don't feel guilty. Let it go. Be who you are and don't feel ashamed of it. Remind yourself you do the best you can.
3. Let your child be who s/he is! Stop comparing your child to other children. Your child is unique, isn't that how you want her to be anyway? So let her be who she is and stop comparing her to other kids. My son walked at 17 months but talked sooner than my friend's kid, whereas her kid was walking at 10 months. It's all relative. They all do it differently, and that's OK. They all somehow get to kindergarten potty trained and talking and able to sit in a circle. How we get there the previous 5 years is up to our varying circumstances, genetics and lives.
4. Stop nagging your partner. Instead, ask him for help and let him do it his way when he steps up. If you need help - which yes, you should be acknowledging that you aren't a super hero and you do need help with this crazy thing called mommyhood - then you need to ask for it instead of sighing around the kitchen slamming drawers. Then when Dad steps up to help... stop the nagging and critiquing of how he's doing the task you asked him to do. Dads may do it differently than we do - and sure, I admit we totally do it better in many cases... however we need to let them help us - for ourselves and our child's sakes.
5. Live in a judgment free mothering zone. No judging other mommies! Let's just stop it all. Nobody enjoys this do they? Every mom and dad and child are different, so there is no point in judging anyway.
6. Put yourself first. OK enough excuses of being too tired, too busy, or needing too much to be Super Mom and do it all before you help yourself to a bubble bath, a glass of wine, a girlie magazine, or a run on the treadmill. This year, put yourself first. It's like that old airplane motto of moms and dads needing to put their oxygen masks on first before assisting their children. It's important. Your entire family will appreciate you and even enjoy your presence a lot more if you take just 15-30 minutes a day for yourself doing whatever it is you like to do. Even scan the site Pinterest or reply to emails or check out looking at Facebook. Whatever you do, do it for you, before you do all the other things you need to do.
7. Let the little things wait... or go away entirely. Instead of rushing to put bags away, clean up last night's dishes, or start supper instantly... try playing with your child for even 10 minutes. It'll make a world of difference to you and your family. You will cherish those moments a lot more than seeing a basket of laundry all folded and ready to be put away.
8. Be in more pictures instead of taking them all this year. So often I go back through a year of videos and pictures and I'm no where to be seen, except my voice in the background! My personal goal this year is to be in those videos so my son remembers I was just as fun as his dad appears!
9. Acknowledge on a daily basis that you are doing the best you can at this mothering thing. Serving up Hamburger Helper, not being able to nurse, letting the baby cry a bit, getting a sitter so you can go out instead of read stories another night... it's all OK and not detrimental to your child.
10. Get your priorities straight. This encompasses all of the other resolutions. It means making time for yourself, actually going out on dates with your husband, not comparing yourself to other moms, being kinder when talking about other moms, letting messes wait, and realizing you ARE a GREAT MOM!