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Tuesday, July 5, 2011

acting like it's easy

From the book The Second Nine Months by Vicki Glembocki, the author writes about how she went out one night with some mommy gal pals she'd been in a mother's group with and they finally start opening up to one another about how difficult being a new mom really is.

"We're all laughing. Everyone. Laughing. I wonder if they're thinking what I'm thinking - that we are all, to one degree or another, full of shit. Marriage-with-children? It isn't all loving and la-la like we've all been pretending it is. Our husbands? They're not all helpful and proactive and patient, like we've been pretending they are. Being a new mom - actually having this little person who depends on you to know how to be a mother and to do it right? It's not as instinctual and easy and fun as we've been acting like it is. It's not just me. It's not just Joan. It's not just Nancy. And yet here we are, seven months into motherhood, unable to tell the truth of how we feel until we escape - no babies, no husbands, a tiny bit drunk - and are finally willing to take a chance." (page 198)

This passage makes me want to invite all my mommy friends over for wine and margaritas in exchange for being as honest as they've ever been about being new parents! We have all been there, and you will be there, too, very soon, you pregnant mommas to be.

The thing I kept thinking while reading this book was how I don't understand why most pregnant women will complain about bachaches, feeling weird about the baby kicking, hating their growing baby bumps, feeling miserable from heartburn, etc. Yet most new moms will just smile and nod, saying motherhood is everything they ever wanted, even as they have baby poop in their hair and have been spit up on three times in the last hour and aren't speaking to their husbands for the fourth time so far today, after he didn't help get up every hour last night.

Why is it OK to admit pregnancy isn't all bliss and roses and lovey dovey, while still showing we do adore the fact that we are carrying life inside us, yet not OK to say that motherhood is not all perfectly amazing, while still showing we absolutely adore our children and would not ever trade them for anything in the world? I have no answers. I think that's just how it is. You are "supposed" to be a great mom and love every second. That's just how it is. But that's not reality.

Motherhood is tough. It's OK to admit that.

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