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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

will I wake up? and other fears about becoming Mommy

I wrote another post on here already about preparing for exhaustion. While writing I thought back to when I was pregnant and what some of my fears were. One of my fears was that I would not hear my baby cry in the night. I used to be a really sound sleeper. My husband would stay up later to watch a movie, then join me in bed and I would not wake up at all. I was so worried the baby would cry and I'd miss it and be a terrible mother. That did not happen, not even once. I woke up every single time Owen even moved slightly! It just happens. It's a natural thing.

I think it's important for all new moms to realize that every single one of us was scared about something while pregnant and are certainly still scared about things now that we are moms.

This picture was taken about a month before Owen was born. I was 8 months pregnant, standing in the middle of our living room, that clearly was being worked on, and thinking, "Yup, this is my exciting, crazy, chaotic life these days!" and wondering if we'd ever finish preparing everything before baby arrived. I was scared to say the least!

A few of my other fears from when I was pregnant included (and what I learned afterward):
*Would my baby cry all the time? (Nope, we were lucky this time around.)

*Would I be a good mom? (Yup, I think I am. I realized this within one day of having Owen. All moms do the best they can, therefore making them great moms.)

*Would my husband be a good dad? (He is an incredible father, from the moment Owen was born, he stepped right up to the plate. Owen was about 20 minutes old and the doctors wanted to take him to the next room to do measurements and other tests. Jared looked from me to Owen, clearly not sure what to do but obviously not wanting to let Owen out of his sight. I said, "Go with our son." The doctors asked if Jared wanted them to take Owen or if he wanted to hold him. He said he just got him and wasn't planning to give him back any time soon. So yes, he's an amazing father. I knew he would be. The only thing I questioned was how great would he be.)

*Would having a baby change me and my husband's relationship? (Yup, it sure did, in many, many great ways. It makes you a stronger couple. I swear if you can go through pregnancy, labor and delivery, and the first 12 months of having a baby you can get through anything together.)

*Would I physically recover from labor quickly so I could care for the baby? (Yes, every day I felt a bit better. For me having surgery it was tough to move around after, whereas my other friends who had normal labor could get up and walk that same day - not that I'm saying labor is easier, definitely not, that terrifies me! I felt slightly normal about 8 weeks later, but honestly you recover quickly. The body is amazing!)

*Would I be able to breastfeed OK? (Nope, despite reading books beforehand and taking a Breastfeeding 101 class I had troubles with this one. But it was worth a shot and I just learned to change my method and plan to pumping, no big deal.)

*Would contractions hurt really bad? (I actually went into labor about an hour before going in for my c-section, so I did get to feel real contractions. They hurt, yes, sorry to say, but nothing I could not survive.)

*Would I know what to do and how to take care of my newborn? (Yes, surprisingly you figure it out. Your mother instincts kick in, I swear. And what you don't know, you wing it and trust your gut, or you ask someone who you trust - like me I hope!)

*How would I survive without sleep? (You just do. I'm not sure how really, besides the fact that you have to, there is no choice. It all gets better, too, so you just keep trudging along and reminding yourself of how sweet that baby is, making it all worth it.)

*Will I instantly feel so in love with this baby? Will he know how much I love him right away? (YES and YES. Owen knew me instantly, I swear he moved his head toward my direction when I spoke even in those first few days. And yes, you will love this creature more than you ever thought possible. You already love him because you felt him in your belly so many months and because you are supposed to love him. But when you hold him that first time and realize, wow I did this, we made this, this is ours... it's inevitable - you are in love.)

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